Diving
I’m in a diving class at school and today I did something I never had done before. A one-and-a-half flip. So cool. I flipped and dove in hands first.
I keep pushing myself and I hope I never change that. What a great way to start my 29th year.
It’s time?
Cleaning out my ex’s things from my drawers. It’s been a little less than a year, and I now have the time and fortitude to do it. It’s still painful, but at least now I can start separating my life from hers once again.
I know life is supposed to teach you lessons, but I’m still unsure what the lesson was here.
Also not sure what to do with all of these thing.
Human Condition
My friend Maureen sent a photograph of this very quote from a page to me and Olivia. I’m glad she did.
“Loneliness is the human condition. Cultivate it. The way it tunnels into you allows your soul room to grow. Never expect to outgrow loneliness. Never hope to find people who will understand you, someone to fill that space. And intelligent, sensitive person is the exception, the very great exception. If you expect to find people who will understand you, you will grow murderous with disappointment. The best you’ll ever do is to understand yourself, know what it is that you want, and not let the cattle stand in your way.”
- Janet Fitch, White Oleander
This had an impact me because I am growing “murderous with disappointment.” Sensitive people are a very great exception. And I need to stop expecting people to be like me, and I need to stop giving myself away so much. I also need to embrace my loneliness a little more, because truth is, I’m not going to fill it.
I think our society is just built in such a way that it makes it incredibly difficult to have a community, a physical, tangible one. Perhaps Marx was right, “Marx believed that alienation is a systematic result of capitalism.”
New Life Lesson, Leadership Sucks.
Ever join an organization or take a position of leadership that you thought would be good but then makes you incredibly miserable and gives you anxiety and nobody appreciates your efforts and you’re never doing it right but always wrong and you lose friends and stand alone in something you believe can happen? Yeah…
Congratulations!
To myself!
But why Joe?!
For two reasons. First, for accomplishing one of my oldest personal goals. To eat balut, a fertilized duck (or chicken) egg with a nearly-developed embryo inside that is boiled and eaten in the shell.
When I was 16, I went out of the country for what was my first adventure. I was off the Philippines on some “missions trip” which was really just a rushed, yet fantastic, voyage through the country. One day, I heard about some people eating balut, when I found out what it was I decided I definitely did not want to have anything to do with it.
Years went by, and my friends would joke about it, and one day I decided if the opportunity came again, I would make a commitment with myself to try it. Twelve years later:
Colorado Shootings
I wrote this a while ago, never posted it, came across it. I’ll post it now.
“I read in the LA times yesterday that one of the injured victims in the shootings in the theater was a guy who had biked 80 miles to the theater that day with his friend. They were biking across the country and stopped to see Batman.
This story sort of hits home for me. 3 (maybe 4) years ago Carlos and I stopped in West Yellowstone with some people amazing people we met who were also riding the same direction. On our last night in Yellowstone we all agreed to bust our asses to West Yellowstone (the closest theater) to see the Old Faithful and then get into town to see the new Harry Potter (opening that night; and the one where dumbledor dies) We snuck in some whisky and had a great time. We biked probably 60 miles that day, and made amazing speed.
That dude biked 80 miles that day so he could go see Batman and instead he got shot. It could have easily been us.”
Looking Back on Bible College
Recently a friend came across my kind-of-not-so-known blog that I don’t tell anyone about because I end up making people angry when I write about them no matter how truthful it is, heh. SO this post:
http://insidejoeshead.com/2004/12/tormentation/
It’s a troubling thing, I remember they taught me love, compassion, and generally what it means to do good in this world in a basic format. But it was also a time I faced discrimination because of my race ( I wasn’t white enough), my social class, my level of holiness, the clothes I wore (literally down to the color. I had a girl’s father once yell at me in public because I was wearing black). I saw them split couples up with different skin colors, I saw them make a big deal in our appearance, but the appearance that was valued was that of 1970′s corporate america. I have trouble understanding how Jesus would have fit into our church, if he’d be a bible college student.
Sometimes things happen to remind me of my life in Bible College. And I have such a strong emotional response to it, the hypocrisy of it all. I seriously think back to all the crap I had to go through, and I know that there are so many different flavors of Christianity, but it makes me question why a loving god would allow people to do the things they do in his name. This is the seed of my disbelief. I either believe in god and hold him accountable for his shitty handling of the human race, or I dismiss him altogether.
Rules
Sometimes playing by the rules doesn’t work. Especially when everyone else is cheating. That’s why I don’t blame a lot of major CEO’s and especially don’t blame Lance Armstrong. Be honest and lose? or go with the flow and try not to get caught. haha, sounds like college too doesn’t it?
Seems like the only thing that is wrong is getting caught.
Motivation.
I just need to watch this everyday
“If you aren’t failing, you’re not trying hard enough.”
Happiness
I have to find a purpose… I know it’s what’s missing. Professors ask me “what are you passionate about?”…idk.
everything and nothing.
Words of Wisdom from Thomas Jefferson
A letter from Thomas Jefferson to his nephew Peter Carr was shared to me by my friend Carlos, same guy I did this with. Posted something on his facebook that struck me with such truth. I couldn’t have imagined that someone from so long ago and in such a different time describing to me how I feel and have continued to feel these past couple of months…
Travelling. This makes men wiser, but less happy. When men of sober age travel, they gather knowledge, which they may apply usefully for their country; but they are subject ever after to recollections mixed with regret; their affections are weakened by being extended over more objects; & they learn new habits which cannot be gratified when they return home. Young men, who travel, are exposed to all these inconveniences in a higher degree, to others still more serious, and do not acquire that wisdom for which a previous foundation is requisite, by repeated and just observations at home. The glare of pomp and pleasure is analogous to the motion of the blood; it absorbs all their affection and attention, they are torn from it as from the only good in this world, and return to their home as to a place of exile & condemnation. Their eyes are forever turned back to the object they have lost, & its recollection poisons the residue of their lives. Their first & most delicate passions are hackneyed on unworthy objects here, & they carry home the dregs, insufficient to make themselves or anybody else happy. Add to this, that a habit of idleness, an inability to apply themselves to business is acquired, & renders them useless to themselves & their country. These observations are founded in experience. There is no place where your pursuit of knowledge will be so little obstructed by foreign objects, as in your own country, nor any, wherein the virtues of the heart will be less exposed to be weakened. Be good, be learned, & be industrious, & you will not want the aid of travelling, to
render you precious to your country, dear to your friends, happy within yourself. I repeat my advice, to take a great deal of exercise, & on foot. Health is the first requisite after morality.
I always wanted to be a world traveller, still do. But are their consequences I haven’t planned for or thought of?
Getting Somewhere
I’m feeling sort of crappy having woken up from a dream about Victoria. I usually turn away from painful thoughts but when I’m woken up by shumai in the most sweetest ways and I try to drift back off to sleep sometimes that early morning dream is the face of the one I woke up next to for a year.
I’m a do-er, thanks bible college, but I wasn’t taught to “to let go very well.” maybe this I my lesson. Maybe I can’t help but become the man that culture and society expects.
However, I am not here to write about my woes today. I wanted to list off some accomplishments to make myself feel somewhat better.
So here we go, operation raise self-esteem go.
1. I’m NPPA President this year and it seems be going off to good start. So if I do well, only good can come of this.
2. Last week, I shot my first assignment for the Wall Street Journal. My first assignment for any major news organization ever. It was also, my first time meeting Olympic gold medalist. And my first time meeting a female professional soccer player.
3. I got the photograph from the Tweed ride published in a biking magazine. And has consequently open doors to doing some possible work with them.
4. I have 1 million photos from the summer to go through and post from my trips to Nepal, Cambodia, and the rest of the United States.
5. I’m still young?
6. Wired Magazine picked up the Flickr photo of mine. And is using it for their website on an article against AT&T. I thought this was pretty funny because I have officially waged war against them and this is the third news article to be printed with my name talking smack about them.”
I hope this year at Rochester isn’t like my first and it’s probably not going to be like my second year but it’s definitely going to be different.
I was scrolling through the history of my blog the other day and I didn’t really have anything personal put up, messages funny things that I found and posted from all over the internet. And I lamented for little bit, at how outside influences (Baptist Bible College) had censored me or pressured me to censor my personal writings. I wish I would’ve disobeyed them like most things.
Is it normal to go most days without talking to someone?
Sumo Wrestling
After watching some youtube videos, starting with the ritual, then the actual wrestling. I really like this sport. Here’s an great video of highlights.
Facebook-less Day?
A day without facebook? I think it would be interesting to dedicate one day a month and decide not to use facebook. Like the second friday of the month of every month. Then I want to see some data and hear what people have to say about a facebook-less day. If they could hold to it, and if there were any social impacts. What if your birthday was on facebook-less day! Daaang. Nobody would know when your birthday was. It would only exist to the people immediately around you.
You know what, I’m going to do it. I’m going to think about what day to do it on…
…
The third Friday of every month, from now on in my life is no Facebook day. If I decide to stop playing this game, I’ll update this post with a timestamp.
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ok so in order for me to make a reminder so I don’t mess up I have to repeat it monthly so it’s just easier to say that the 24th of every month, however it may lie, will be no facebook day.